I once went through a season of life where it seemed like I took a wrong turn, got on the wrong bus, and took a long tour around “detourtopia”. A wrong choice led to several unexpected situations, painful revelations, and a one-way exit from the route I thought my life would take. That’s what a detour sounds like.
If you live long enough, you will encounter some sort of detour, some minor, others life–changing. Even the most organized person can have their well-laid plans overhauled by a detour. Rerouting yourself back into alignment with your purpose after experiencing a wrong turn is like overcoming other challenges.
The better you get at re-centering and rerouting yourself, the quicker you’ll be at bouncing back. Staying too long at a place of detour can cause a loss of confidence and affect one’s sense of identity, so it is crucial to work your way back into alignment after a setback.
Get the emotions out.
Several emotions surface after a detour. Anger, pain, grief, shame, and disappointment are some of the emotions we might harbor towards ourselves or others, and sometimes even towards God. In some cases, an instant reaction to the situation might be required, and an adrenaline rush or shock can suppress other feelings. However, once the immediate action is taken, you must find a moment to exhale, let the feelings come out that often accompany grief, disappointment, or betrayal. This period also allows you to step into a place of acceptance. You can only change what you accept.
There’s no use crying over spilt milk, but crying is a sign that the milk did mean something to you.
Get your marker out
Mark where you fell, where your heart broke, where your dreams fell apart. Hunters often put trail markers to help identify specific spots – where to turn, where there’s danger or a trap. We do the same in our daily lives. We know to watch out for something when we’ve fallen there once. In finding our way back to alignment, we must mark out where we took a wrong turn or where life threw us an unavoidable curveball.
I’m not recommending you spend endless hours going over agonizing details of what has happened. Rather, a productive use of your time would be to ask yourself where you or someone else went against your values, or where life simply happened.
Sometimes we find ourselves at a place of detour through no fault of ours. For example, grief. We do not ask for it, but it shakes our reality and may even throw us into an existential crisis. This we have no control over.
Our every action is guided by the values we ascribe to. Map out which values of yours were broken or impacted by the setback. Once you have clarity, it’s time to work your way back to your center.
Get your map out
One beautiful thing about a detour is that once you’re down, the only way you can go is up. The rebuilding and rerouting can allow you to dream again, try new approaches, and build stronger systems to reinforce your values.
In finding your way back to alignment, you’ll have to outline where you want to go and what you’ll do differently this time. Consulting coaches, pastors, counselors, or trusted friends is encouraged. Not only will a support infrastructure hold you accountable, they will also help you identify and cover your blind spots.
If you do this correctly, you will be able to advance in achieving your goals with so much clarity and zeal, so much so that the detour might just appear as a bump in the road.
I wish I had someone to tell me all of this when I went through seasons of detour. But now I know, I’m happy to share it, and I’m a more resilient person for the storms my anchor has held me through.
Experiencing a detour in life is almost a given. We will all face one sooner or later. These are only a few ways to realign yourself.
At the end of the day, you’re not just here to take up space; your life matters. Stay aligned. Work your way back to your cente
Reflection: In the past, how have I handled detours? What can I do differently henceforth when I face a detour?
Insightful pointers. Thanks for sharing